Cutting: Sin or Not Sin?

One of my followers recently asked if cutting one's self is a sin. It might appear on the surface to be innocent enough, however there are indeed issues here. I, for instance, have such a squeamish stomach, that I would pass out at the thought of doing myself a harm. However, others might say that the body belongs to one owner and whatever makes that owner feel good or even makes them not feel good, is the owner's choice.  Well, fact is that your body does indeed have one Owner and that is not you, it is the one triune God. It is, in fact, the temple of the Holy Spirit.

¹⁹ Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, ²⁰ for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

1 Corinthians 6: 19 & 20 ESV 

Crush

I recently had a student of mine ask if it was ok to have a crush. My answer is, as expected, complicated and yet not. There is, in my mind, not just a quick response to this question. You have to ask yourself a few questions. First, is your motive pure? What has caused this heart palpitating, stomach churning, teenage giggling feeling to arise in your being? This questioning then leads to further questioning. Is the cause lust? Really, is the main motive for this crush simply that the guy is cute, hot, sick, etc.? If it is, then the crush is wrong. Do I need to continue? Let's face it, it is physical attractiveness that has brought you to this Cinderella feeling. He is Prince Charming.
So how do I handle these feelings? It is ok to think someone is attractive. In the words of my mom, "when you stop finding people attractive, you're dead." Crushes are not a sin, but could easily become sin if allowed.
Remember, keep Christ first! Pray in all areas of your life, this includes crushes. Be friends with as many people as you can and when the time is right and you are old enough, Christ will bring you the one that is meant for you. Purity above all! Christ at the center!

Hello, Marion

In the immortal words of Indiana Jones, "Hello, Marion." This is small "howdy" to my most faithful follower. Keep asking questions, seeking your parents' advice, and loving the Lord.

Best Musicals of All Time - (In no particular order)

Mary Poppins
The Sound of Music
1776
My Fair Lady
Singing in the Rain
The Music Man
Hello Dolly
The Phantom of the Opera
The Wizard of Oz
White Christmas
Holiday Inn
The Muppet Movie
Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory

More to come - I am taking suggestions

"The Twenty-Five Cent Dating Lecture"

I have given the following as a lecture to my junior high school classes for at least the last five years and probably more. The children have heard of the lecture from older siblings or friends and ask for it each year. If they have heard it in seventh grade they want it again in the eighth or else they would like a new student to our school to hear the infamous "Pearce's Twenty-Five Cent Dating Lecture." A few take it to heart and use it as a guide, some take bits and pieces and apply them and still others just think that I have lost my nut. However, I thought it was high time that I wrote it down. Much of the lecture is from my own experiences, observations and mistakes and some influence from a small and useful book entitled, "Her Hand in Marriage" by Douglas Wilson. So hold on and enjoy the ride.

Dating is one of the most selfish institutions ever conceived by man. Now before you close my blog I will say that there is a time and place for dating, just give me a moment to explain. As I was saying, dating is a selfish act. Oh, we take flowers and find out her favorite food, or we bake him his favorite cookies, all in the name of making him or her happy. When all we are really doing is making ourselves happy. We are looking for that feel good time, the brush of the hand, that movie-arm-extension-yawning thing, the goodnight kiss, etc. Dating is about you, the individual.

Mr. Wilson points out, and I agree, that dating is the dress-rehearsal for divorce. We try out a girl or guy that we really do not know much about and in thinking of ourselves we always keep in the back of our minds the idea that we can leave at anytime. Does this sound like marriage in the United States?

Americana dating, as we know it, is also relatively new. We do not see dating in the Bible, we really do not see this kind of dating until maybe the 1920s and in this particular form until the 1950s. I, like you, just considered dating the way we do things and so it must be a tradition that is upheld. After all didn't your father date and perhaps your grandfather?

The biggest argument that is thrown in my direction is, "How do I know what type of girl/guy that I want to marry?" Look, you are not buying a new car. That is the same argument I get from people about pre-marital sex. "I need to see if we are compatible in bed," a test drive, so-to-speak. I am not even going to take the time and energy to point out the numerous flaws in that argument. (I Corinthians 6:12 & 13)

Remember, that 999 times out of 1000, evangelical dating and marriage does not work. Find a strong Christian or the rest of this process is worthless. (2 Corinthians 6:14)

So how do we meet someone? Step number one: have many friends of both sexes and go out a lot and stay in quite a bit as well, both in large groups. See movies, go eat, play games, watch television, go for walks, etc. This way you are never tempted to do that which you should not and your reputation will be above reproach. I will guarantee that you will get a clearer picture of what someone is truly like when you are in a large group of friends rather than alone on a date. The way a guy treats you on a date is the way that you want to be treated not the way that he wants to treat you. He may want a second date or even more, how will he achieve this if he acts like himself. And so he is Romeo and she is Juliet, you know, without all the death, but none-the-less an impression is the focus. Why? Because the date is all about the individual you are, and not the individual you are with.

Once you have seen him/her in a large group setting over a long period and you have had a few talks in that environment and you have overheard even more talks and discussions in that environment and you are finally feeling an attraction, what is next? The next move is his. Yes, this may seem old fashioned, but the guy has the next move. Why? Because the only guy that is in your life, apart from Jesus Christ, should be your dad and the suitor is attempting to take dad's place. At the point of marriage the responsibility to care for the girl, as Christ cares for the church, passes from dad to husband. If the guy is not willing to make the next move, then he will not be willing to care for you like your dad or more importantly, like your heavenly father. (Note: the only reason to ever enter into a courtship/dating relationship is with the intent of marriage.) So what is the next move?

He needs to contact your dad, face to face. Guys get this straight, you must first go to the dad. If this is terrifying and you say "no way", then girls you know that you are not worth a little gut-wrenching fear to this boy and he is not right for you. Move on. Guys just man-up and get it done.

In the case of my daughter, a long discussion will ensue and at the close I will tell him that he should get lost, running in a serpentine pattern to avoid buck-shot, or if he finds my favor I will tell him that I will ask my daughter what her desire might be. If I ask my daughter and she states that she is not interested, then I, the dad, will go to the young man and break the news. It is not her job. If my girl is interested, then we move to the next step.

The next step is called courtship. What, more old-timey verbiage? Just wait, it gets better, at least in my opinion. Courtship is carried out with the constant thought in mind that dad is the man in the daughter's life. Dating, at this point, is permissible. Guys, you must file a flight plan with dad each time and on his approval the date will occur. Guys, if you tell the girl's dad that you will have her home by 11:00, then it better be 10:55, through her front door. If you tell dad that you are going to be at place "A" then do not deviate to place "B" without calling. Never be alone in a parked car. You may drive alone from location to location, but otherwise always be around people. It is best for you and him/her. AVOID TEMPTATION!

Now, if you really want to get to know someone, and this will be a requirement for my kids, spend time with him and his family and him and your family. Spend so much time at the other person's home with the other family that the person you are courting becomes comfortable at home while you are around. What I am trying to say is that the way a boy treats his mother and sisters is how he is how he will eventually treat you. The way he shows them love through word and deed will be the way he shows you love in marriage. Likewise, the way a girl is submissive and supportive of her dad is the way she will be as a wife to you. This time is vital. This is the "dress rehearsal" or "test drive" for which you have longed.

Optimum physical contact is holding hands or nothing at all. If he or she cannot wait to hug and kiss then he or she may not have waited with other girls/guys. If he cannot wait then he probably does not count you worthy. What is important to you will be important to him, in a Godly relationship.

Finally, when you have had the marriage discussion, he must ask your dad, ladies. He must, to not is a sign of disrespect for the passing of responsibility from dad to husband. Guys, by this point you have already had the pre-courtship talk, you have already spent so much time with the family and in the case of my daughter, you have already spent so much time in a one-on-one discipleship relationship with your future father-in-law (this is also a requirement of any Godly courtship) that this last step will be easy and it will feel natural. Remember that you should marry your best friend.

Men, love and cherish her. Ladies, honor and serve him. (Ephesians 5: 22-33, Colossians 3: 18 & 19)

Couples, place Christ at the center. This is the ultimate recipe for success.

Tardiness - Rude or what? Let me help!

One of my pet-peeves is when people are late. Perhaps I get this from my father. Like him, I try to arrive early to everything. Last year on my job evaluation, it was even noted that I am early to each event or meeting. I do admit that it is a bit of an obsession. I like to be at a movie no less than a half-hour before the previews roll. I guess I figure that if I shoot for early, I will at least always be on time. Tardiness is simply telling other people either that their time is more important than yours or that one who is tardy is sadly lacking attention and needs to be looked at as they walk in clanging about.
I do have an observation that I believe is well founded. I have noticed that the majority of people who are late to morning events, still have had time to get their morning beverage. Seriously, the person or persons will be just a few minutes late, you know just enough time to be a major distraction, and yet they will still have had time to get their coffee.
Here are a few pointers to help the tardy get places on time. Firstly, setting all of your clocks ahead will not work. You know they are all set ahead, so who are you fooling? Secondly, cut out the coffee and you will be on time, or thirdly keep the coffee and simply begin your day a whopping five minutes earlier. Please!

Rob and Karen - An Example

On Saturday night last, my family had the honor of attending a very special event. It was the celebration of two of our friends, a wonderful couple, reaching the brilliant age of fifty. I thought it appropriate to take a moment, or even two, to tell you a bit about them. They are indeed a wonderful couple and a shining example of marriage, but I want to take the time to speak to the character of each as individuals.
Let’s start with Karen. To meet Karen is an adventure; at least. She could easily be the mayor of our town, not only because she knows everyone in town, which she does, but because she is a very well liked individual in our town. This speaks to her character. Karen loves people. She loves to be with people and do for people. She has a heart of compassion and service. This is Christ in her and the Holy Spirit working through her.
Then there is Rob. Rob does not work a room like his wife, he would prefer a smaller setting with a few people at a time and yet his passion for people is no less than that of Karen’s. Like our Lord, Rob is a discipler, and like Karen he too has a servant’s heart and shares a heart of compassion and yet it is displayed in a very different way. Not that one way is better or worse than the other; just different. They would both sacrificially hand you anything that they own. Rob loves to listen and process and respond only when he feels it is of benefit to you and not him.
They are a couple of compatibility. Like a candle and a flame, one is not as effective without the other. They find joy in their Savior, their family, and their friends; doing so in very dissimilar and similar ways. It is an honor to know them and be counted as friends.